Control Freak

I don't know that I've ever met a speech pathologist who at some point didn't say something along the lines of "well, those of us with 'type A' personalities" or "I'm a little OCD" or "we can all be a little bit of a control freak at times."  Apparently, the desire and ability to organize the world around us is built into the job description.

I do think that this kind of personality or inclination to organize/be in control/know what's going on at all times/etc. is beneficial in part.  This is what allows me to get my work done so I have more time for fun.  It let's me know what I'm supposed to do, when I'm supposed to do it.  It gives me the ability to pay attention to details, remember birthdays, write up therapy notes, remember when to take the brownies out of the oven, and basically be the person that I am now.  Without this facet of my personality, I think my life would be very different.  Not better or worse, just different.

However, it is always an uncomfortable and sometimes even painful experience to realize that we are not in control of everything, no matter how hard we try.  For example, I can control when and how long I work out, but I can't control the fact that my body feels it necessary to give me shin splints each time.  I can control what I eat, but I can't control how hungry I feel.  I can try to control my feelings and emotions, but they break through at the most unexpected and inconvenient times.  I can't control what happens in my dreams, or how they make me feel upon waking up.  I can't control the weather, the traffic, the cost of groceries, the size of my feet, or a multitude of other, small things.  But the thing that makes the most difference, takes the longest to learn, and is the most uncomfortable of all, is realizing that I can't control what other people think or do, no matter how much I might like to at times.

But you know what?  It's a good thing I can't control a lot of stuff in my life.  If I was in charge, it would certainly be a complete mess.  I made stupid decisions all the time, and often my trying to be in control ends up backfiring.  So perhaps the truly most important lesson of all is the realization that God is in control, and I am not, and that's the way it should be.  So although I can't control so very many things, I know that he can, that he is, and that he definitely knows what he's doing, and all I have to do is trust that he is in control.  My letting go is the first part, and he will do all the rest.

Now excuse me while I go reorganize my pantry.