Choir Confession

This may be the meanest post I ever write.

Okay.  I love singing.  More than anything, I love singing in a choir.

So this summer and fall, I decided to join the church choir.  Why have a talent if I don't put it to use glorifying God?

So I went to rehearsals, dragged a friend along with me even, and joined the choir.

But today... today, I skipped rehearsal.

Why?

I am admitting my faults.  I have a problem.  I am a choir snob of the worst kind.

I have very little patience for, I don't know what to call it, a lack of excellence I guess.  This isn't super harsh, I don't think, as it's true that official choirs tend to be better than tiny church choirs.  It's kinda just how it works, and it makes sense/  I realize that yes, we are supposed to be making a joyful noise and God cares much more about what's in our hearts than what comes out of our mouths.  And the people are kind, enthusiastic, and actually fairly competent.  The director is enthusiastic, fairly knowledgeable, and managed to write a pretty good song.

But at the same time, I find myself being annoyed out of my mind during rehearsals.  I don't really know what bugs me about it, I can't put my finger on it, but for some reason I am not loving this choir.  I'm also singing alto, which really isn't my home base, so that might be part of it.

I think the trouble is that I am unfairly comparing it to previous choirs I've been in.  The President's Concert my senior year of undergrad was some of the best music I've ever been involved in, especially the gooooooorgeous Brahms piece.  Some of my favorite memories from high school are trips and rehearsals and songs and concerts with the choir.  It was really good to be good.  Yup, I miss the old day.s

I'm also singing alto, which really isn't my home base, so that might be part of it.

I was really busy this evening and have to go to sleep like...now because the next two days are going to be rather full, so I decided not to go to rehearsal.  I don't miss going to rehearsal, although I do feel some guilt for letting the director and other choir members down.  Every voice really does count when there are only 10  -12 people.

But I am considering just dealing with the guilt and not going to rehearsals anymore, or at least not all of them.  School is busy, life is busy, and eating dinner at 9:00 three nights out of the week is really wearing on me.

I don't want to be a flake, but I also don't know what to do because I just don't want to go.

I am conflicted.  A conflicted choir snob.

Oh, the guilt.