Miss Grumpy Gills

Hey Mr. Grumpy Gills!

You talkin' to me?!

Usually, I am a little bit like Dory, in that I go off on tangents in the middle of sentences or forget what I was gonna say or can only remember things I've read, not heard, or tend to be pretty optimistic about life in general and always look for the best. But recently, instead of having a Dory-like positive demeanor, I have been a grump. Even things that never would bother me before are driving me crazy. WHAT IS GOING ON.

Yesterday at work, the grump must have been showing a little more than usual, since two customers at work complained about me, which has NEVER happened before. But recently it's been a little harder to be chipper and fawn over people I don't care about and show visible excitement about their fabric purchases or answer the same inane question for the millionth time with anything other than apathy.

When I was in New York, I was like "ooh yay, now I can let my guard down and let my inner mean girl come out so I can just ignore people and not have to go through the exhausting ritual of smiling at passers-by and constantly asking how people are." It was refreshing, and disturbing.

I think it's a combination of things: 

1) I don't have a job yet, and that's the biggest. I'm still trying and waiting and wishing and hoping and praying for a job, and it may be happening, but it's happening very slowly. 

2) The part-time job I do have is fun at times, but sometimes stressful and all the time not what I want to be doing. Not to mention it's a job I did 2 summers ago and working there now reminds me of that and I get this weird nostalgia for days that don't happen anymore. 

3) I am still/again trying to lose weight, and it's not fun and I'm sick of it and I just wanna eat what I wanna eat dangit! Ugh. 

4) Many of my friends are seriously dating someone, engaged, married, and having babies. I am, instead, single, lonely, jobless, homeless, and I can't even cuddle with my cat when I want to since she has to live elsewhere. 

5) With all of this no-job-ness, I also have no money, but I keep having to pay for things. It's a pain.

6) I feel like I am stuck in limbo and just waiting for my life to start. 6) I also have been staying up way too late watching the entire series of Scrubs. Oops.

So all of those combine to produce a perfect storm of grumpiness that feels like it came out of nowhere and I can't control. I know I've never been the most gentle of conversers, but I feel like I've always been nice and at least pleasant for the most part, but now it seems like too much of an effort to make that effort. Humph.

And I can't even eat a piece of chocolate or buy a pair of shoes to make me feel better about it. Bummer.

Pretty much. Unfortunately.