Inspired by this gem.
1. Wow, it's so gorgeous outside. It's not usually like this in Texas. Now that I live in Philly I get to experience an actual spring! I should totally be outside all day long, every day.
2. Ugh, why is it so cold when the wind blows? Better move to the sunny side. Get mah shades on.
3. Geez, sunshine, intense much? Ima get a one-sided face burn. Bonus freckles on the left.
4. Alright. Got my snack on. Got my shoes on. Got my trusty yoga pants on. Got my phone in my phone holder thingy. Got my earbuds in my ears. Let's do this thing.
5. Hmm, which way do I want to go? Option A includes too many people. Option B includes sidewalks that are too uneven. Option C is my fave but it's like a mile and a half away. Ain't nobody got time for that!
6. Okay, I'll choose Option C. It's my favorite anyway.
7. Doop dee doo, walkin', walkin', walkin.
8. Aw what a cute dog! I wish I had a dog to walk.
9. Ew, dog poop on the sidewalk. What is wrong with people??
10. Okay, finally to the river. Get ready to run!
11. Wait, wait, first I have to stop at the bridge and watch the dogs play at the dog park.
12. Seriously, I want a dog.
13. Okay, time to get going. It's already been like 25 minutes.
14. Waiting for a good song... waiting... waiting....
15. Good song! Rev it up! Start running!
16. Yes, doing good! Moving along!
17. (11 seconds later) ugh. I am not as fast as I thought I could be.
18. Seriously, I think I walk faster. I'm basically hopping while walking rather than actually getting anywhere quickly.
19. Whatever, I'm awesome.
20. Whoa, I just got passed up by a grandma and a toddler. Better step it up.
21. Can't go faster. Legs burning.
22. Why is my IT band so tight? Gee thanks, marching band.
23. Why are my calves and shins so tight? Gee thanks, marching band.
24. Actually I'm gonna blame all of this discomfort on marching band, starting with my right big toe, which that one trumpet kid stepped on really hard once junior year of high school. Rude.
25. Hmm, I like her shoes. I could use a new pair of shoes.
26. No I couldn't. I like mine just fine.
27. And look! Shoe twins!!!!!!!!! We should be friends.
28. Oops nope I can't be friends with you, you're too fast. Byeeeee...
29. Why doesn't my hair swing like that when I run?
30. Okay, in a groove now.
31. Nooooooo not this song! Why is this song even on my playlist?
32. I guess I should stop. I can't jam to this.
33. But now I'm walking. Gonna take me forever to make this loop.
34. WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU SMOKING ON A RUNNING/JOGGING/WALKING/CYCLING/OUTDOOR ACTIVITY-ING TRAIL. Boooooooo.
35. Okay, now this is my jam!
36. Jammin', jammin', jammin'. Why am I the only one running here that's jamming out? Why does everyone else look so bored?
37. Oh, probably because they're actually going fast. That's it.
38. Whatever, at least I'm doing it.I
39. Actually, feelin' pretty good right about now. I can't feel my feet, but maybe that's for the best.
40. In fact, I feel so good, I should totally do a 5K. Or even a 10K. This path is like 6.5 miles, I could do it.
41. Uh oh, MapMyRun tells me I don't run fast enough for that, though.
42. Are you serious?? Did my pace actually go down while I was running? How is that even possible?
43. Don't worry, you're almost to the best part.
44. Ooh, the Art Musuem. So pretty. So majestic. So ready to turn around.
45. Just one. more. bridge.
46. Okay, two more. This place has a lot of bridges.
47. Aw that old couple walking and holding hands is so cute. When I'm old I want to wear a giant sun hat and walk by a river holding hands.
48. Although to be able to hold hands, I have to find someone to hold hands with. How about you, Mr. Runner But Not Running Too Fast So Maybe I Could Keep Up?
49. Oooh, or you. Or you. Or - no, not you. Your face looks like an old man when you run.
50. Oooh, a biker. Fancy shorts. I bet it would be fun to bike on this trail.
51. I forgot, I can't ride a bike. Plus people look goofy in helmets, but I'm not gonna not wear one. The whole brain injury thing is not my idea of a good time.
52. What was that? Was that my stomach growling? I just ate a snack!
53. Yep, definitely stomach growling. Too bad I'm only 2 miles in.
54. Okay, folks. The trail is only so wide. Stay to the right!
55. See, look what happens when I go around you: I go directly to the farthest on the right that I can.
56. Seriously, there's like 7 of you walking abreast. NOT ALLOWED.
57. God, sooooo hungry. Hangry, even. Best get outta my way, small children, I'm hangry.
58. Plus I could use some water. But I have to pee. Water/pee/water/pee/water/pee. Hmmmm.
59. Hmm. Hip hurting. And I think I may be getting a blister.
60. Didn't I just spend like $110 on special running shoes? And socks?
61. I did. But I'm still getting blisters.
62. AND SHIN SPLINTS.
63. Why isn't this concrete softer?
64. Where does the term "shin splints" even come from? I feel like people always say "shin splits," which, honestly, sounds more accurate.
65. I guess I'll have to stretch when I get home.
66. Ok. Time to turn around. Otherwise I'll be so far from home it will take me an eon to get home.
67. Dang it. Too late.
68. OMGSOFARAWAY.
69. Start running, fast.
70. hahaNOPE. not gonna happen.
71. Haven't I passed you like 3 times before? Am I getting lapped, here?
72. This is dumb. I should just stop. I'm not actually going anywhere anyway.
73. Except UP THIS HILL. Sneaky hill. Pardon me while I move at a glacial pace.
74. This is when I need a bike. Or one of those surrey things that people ride around on.
75. Great, now that song from Oklahoma is in my head, The Surrey With the Fringe on Top. Except it's in Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan's voice from When Harry Met Sally when they're singing karaoke.
76. Man, I haven't been to karaoke in a long time. That's fun. I could start singing out loud to my jams right now. Except I'm a little out of breath.
77. Why are you staring at me? I know I look like an elephant on a pogo stick, but there's other stuff to look at. See all the trees? All the river? Look at that.
78. Mostly I want you to look at that so I can stare at you surreptitiously from behind my sunglasses.
79. Shoot, I'm wearing real glasses, not sunglasses. Everyone can see my eyes and knows I've been staring them down for the past 2 miles.
80. I don't know where to put my eyes!
81. Uh oh. Made eye contact. Abort, abort! Quick, look away! I have to pretend I was just surveying the general splendor of the outdoors.
82. I do love the outdoors, though. Look at all those tulips! I love tulips! Yay nature.
83. Oh sure, let me just run through a gaggle of geese. Don't mind me. Stupid nature.
84. Sweet, almost home. Sorta.
85. Man, Philadelphia is beautiful. I love how old it is. I love the neat buildings and the brick sidewalks.
86. [trips and nearly falls. twice.]
87. I HATE THESE STUPID BRICK SIDEWALKS.
88. Ok, now I'm home. Good. Still hungry.
89. Now, 1.5 hours later, please let me spend an extra 20 minutes stretching. I definitely have time for that.
90. But I'm so hunnngrrryyyy...
91. No. Stretch. You'll regret it in the morning.
92. Geez, I'm not very flexible. I should do yoga.
93. Right, like I have time to do yoga too.
94. Ouchie, blisters. Maybe I need more socks.
95. [shops online for socks]
96. Nope, not worth it. I'll just buy band-aids forever. Get back to stretching.
97. Maybe I'll just lay here on the floor. This floor is nice.
98. I hurt in many places. I can't get up. Why do I do this again?
99. Well, I do really love running on that trail. I should go back tomorrow.
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