Every girl wants to be a princess

Warning: long rant.

I love sparkly things. I have a legit tiara from when I was voted a homecoming princess (it's very shiny :) ). I like dressing up and singing and smiling and wearing jewelry and makeup.

But you know what I don't like? Freakin' Toddlers and Tiaras.

I realize that this may be a late-blooming rail against this television program/event, but I just recently got cable after a hiatus of 6 months, and March Madness is over now, so this is what I watched the other night while writing up a project.

We could all talk about the ridiculousness of young girls getting fake tans, spray tans, teeth whitening, wearing pounds of makeup, gluing extra eyelashes on, curling their hair, and putting on glittery (and shockingly skimpy) outfits to go parade around in front of a crowd of fellow competitors and their pageant moms.  We could talk about that for a looooong time.

We could talk about the objectification of women and training young girls to make objectification their goal.  We could talk about the insanity of the $3,000 dresses and the tremendous debt some of these families undertake to participate in these pageants.  We could talk about a lot to do with pageants, and before you start to think that I hate everything, we could talk about some good things, too, maybe.

But the part that made me so incredibly sad watching this was seeing these precious little girls, and even such sweet, soft, kissable little bitty babies who are still working on coordinating their first steps, have to confront the social and psychological stress of these competitions. Now don't get me wrong, I am competitive and I think that things like dance, piano lessons, marching competitions, soccer games, pee wee football, robot club, etc. are all fun and appropriate things for children to participate in. They allow opportunities for discovering talents and passions, developing friendships, and learning to socialize with the world outside of the close circle of family and school. I like these organized things for some of the same reasons I like public schools and daycare (posts for later, perhaps). But pageants? It seems to me that the benefits they provide can be easily found in a variety of other outlets, but that pageants also have the potential for a much greater negative toll.

The biggest cost in this pageant situation is not only in the tan and the teeth, but is found in the interactions between the parents and their children. One mother, in the midst of some kind of hissy fit, refused to come into the room for presentation of the pageant awards, and then when her daughter did not win the highest award, the mother refused to show an iota of appreciation for her child's effort. The little four-year-old girl, as emotionally fragile as a little spring cherry blossom, tried to show her mother her prize and was essentially begging for approval in every possible way, but the mother would not even acknowledge her precious baby girl. All this child wanted was to be just noticed for working hard and trying her best in a situation that she may not even really understand, but did not get the modicum of love she required because  her mother's inflated sense of competition and disappointment overshadowed her child's most basic need. (Whatever, Maslow - love is just as important as shelter - didn't you see the Pursuit of Happyness?). I am not a mother and won't be for a long time, but I find her actions to be selfish and inexcusable.  I am sure that this mother loves her child a trillion times than her own self, and maybe I'm being a little harsh, but it just hurt me to watch this interaction.

Now, I recognize that this kind of negativity can be found in dance and soccer and chess club moms, too, but it was just so blatant and appalling in this situation. (And don't get me wrong - I am not necessarily saying that praise without real meaning is always appropriate for children, either, since I think that can also have other negative consequences, like narcissism and junk like that. Each person is unique, valuable, and equally loved by God, but there is also a need to have a sense of humility, so that we can love others). But the point I'm going for here is that, no matter what, these baby baby baby children need to know that they are unconditionally loved, no matter what they do. All they want is to be loved. And maybe they need it even more when they don't win it all.  This mother refusing to even look at her child and blaming her for something that wasn't even the little girl's fault or anything she could control just makes me wonder what is going to happen to this little girl in the future, when she only feels loved and can only recognize her own self-worth when she can back it up with an "ultimate grand supreme" crown.

end rant.