In the hospital, everyone is always keeping track of patients' level of alertness and orientation to self, place, and time. Orientation to time, from what I've seen so far, seems to be the most difficult for patients. ICU delirium, lack of normal routine, inability to check calendars/datebooks/phones, etc. makes it really difficult to keep up with the passage of days.
The passage of time is something that a lot of people can have difficulty with - you lose track of time, go an entire day thinking it's Wednesday when it's actually Tuesday, and then everyone says "I can't believe it's almost August already!" like it's something unique. Keeping track of time is hard. But I have kept track of time pretty well today...
It's been one month since pretty much the worst day ever. It's been about three months since the time I said "what's going on?" and all I got was silence. It feels like a very long time, and only as long as the beat of my heart at the same time. And while I was planning for a more lighthearted post today, I remembered that I haven't actually felt very lighthearted in quite some time. Like about a month. Like about three months. So this is what happens. So sorry.
So the passage of time happens. It's hard to keep track of. But our lives are controlled by measurements of time. And they say time heals all wounds. Just give it time. I believe it, some days. Other times, I don't. But I will take it one day at a time. Time is important, hard to keep track of, frustrating, confusing, and necessary. And one of these days, I won't have to keep track of this particular passage of time anymore. All I'll have to worry about will be making sure I know what day and time it is before I ask a patient those time orientation questions.
Maybe I'll just start wearing a watch.
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