The Next Stage

This I wanted to write a while ago, but haven't had time until now.

So there are apparently 5 stages of grieving: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  Not everyone goes through each phase, and they aren't necessarily in order, and you don't necessarily have to completely be through with one before going to another and then moving back.

Some days, it feels like this:

I was in the denial stage for a little bit, just thinking "how on earth can this possibly happen??" and then the depression, or sadness, phase came next.  This lasted for a long time, and still comes around every once in a while.  Bargaining is not really my style, so there was about one time of "I would give anything if" but that's pretty much it.

Now, I am definitely in the anger phase.
I am, in general, someone who is slow to anger.  I get frustrated pretty often, but it's mostly with myself.  True anger, though, is pretty rare for me, and takes a while to build up.

It's a little bit like this:

But these days, I find that being angry comes a lot easier than I had anticipated.  I  find myself flaring my nostrils at random times (you who know me well know what this means), or just getting mad and wanting to yell and argue back or drive really fast or something.

And then, while I was home, a wise friend told me that yes, I should be angry, it makes sense that I am angry, and there are reasons for me to be angry.  So it's not like I'm going to be angry forever or that this anger is unhealthy.  In fact, the Bible says to be "slow to become angry," but does not say that being angry is a bad thing.  So eventually, I will no longer be angry, but in the meantime, it's kind of a strange feeling.  I do think it's better than broken-down, can't move/can't breathe sadness, and it is definitely easier to work off in the gym.

But for now, I am going to continue to be angry, and I'm okay with that.  I have reasons to be angry, so that's going to happen until those reasons don't matter anymore.

Grrrrr.